“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
-Teddy Roosevelt
My 9 year old son’s eyes lit up like a freshly struck match as he pulled the wrapping paper away from his Christmas gift, the biggest box under the tree.
“Whoa!! I saw this and wanted it!! Remember??” The sleek black box held a LEGO Technic car, a set with over 900 pieces and a working engine that he could drive using an app on my phone. My fiancé had handpicked it for him, knowing how much he loved building and engineering. It was the perfect gift. He was ecstatic and ready to tear the box open, but I told him to wait until he’d opened the rest of his gifts. He set it aside and moved on to his other gifts, still stealing glances at it as he went.
Next to him, his sisters began opening their presents, too. My 11 year old was finally old enough for her own phone, so she’d gotten an iPhone; my 14 year old, after YEARS of begging, finally got her own iPad. Suddenly, my son’s face darkened. “Why did they get a phone and an iPad and all I got was a stupid car????”
That brightly burning match that had started in his eyes, rather than lighting a flame of gratitude in my child, had carelessly been dropped to the floor and extinguished as he compared his gift with that of his siblings. This is a sad, but rather common occurrence in children, particularly brothers and sisters, as I remember from my own interactions with my brother growing up. “He has more juice than I do!” “Why didn’t I get to push the elevator button?” “It’s not fair!” It’s a child’s nature to compare and complain, but I think it’s just as common in adults, though we’d rather not admit it.
How many times have we spent all day loving our children, then mark ourselves as failures because we perceive another parent has done it “better”? How many times have we worked hard at our job, only to wish we were as talented as our colleagues or grumble about their recognition over our own? How many times have we reveled in a beautiful relationship, only to crash when we compare our low days to another couple’s highs? How many times have we loved our life fiercely until we see our friend’s girls’ trip or beach vacation, and suddenly feel lonely or unfulfilled? That envy, stirred up by comparison, sucks out the air around us so our lights can no longer burn.
Comparison doesn’t only dim our own lights, but also the lights of the others around us. My fiancé’s heart was a little stung by my son’s comment (though only temporarily), and understandably so. Our relationships similarly can be wounded, our workplace atmosphere dampened, our friendships jilted when we compare and complain instead of receiving and rejoicing.
Luckily, kids forget their envy fairly quickly. Today, my son started diligently and excitedly working on his car, marveling at the way the parts moved and painstakingly putting each piece in its proper place. His heart was lit up with gratitude again and it was a beautiful sight. He can’t wait to finish the build; he and my fiancé already have big plans for chasing the dog around the house with the completed project.
This New Year’s, let’s put away our comparing and complaining hearts and replace them with hearts that receive and rejoice; receive good things, receive love, receive new memories and opportunities, and rejoice in all that we already have been given. Because what we have, no matter how small it seems when compared to others, is rather great indeed.
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