Doing the Dishes

“Wash the plate not because it is dirty nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person who will use it next.” - Saint Teresa of Calcutta

Every night after dinner, Niles does the dishes. Mostly, he stacks them in the dishwasher and runs it, but often he also hand washes the pots and pans, setting them in the drying rack and putting them away later when they've air-dried enough. He always clears the table and wipes it down, making sure everything is the way it was (sometimes cleaner than it was) before we sat down to eat. 

At the beginning of our relationship, when he’d do this I felt somewhat at a loss. Doing the dishes had always been my responsibility, along with nearly every other household chore, and I wondered what to do with myself while this other person took care of  it. It was one of many mundane tasks that had always been on my already-full plate and freeing that space felt almost like cheating. A little breathing room felt suffocating in the constant claustrophobia of responsibility I usually lived in. As time has gone on, I’ve grown to appreciate it even more; now, we often do it together and it’s become (at least for me) a treasured part of our routine, moving side-by-side in the kitchen and tackling the daily tasks of life together. 

Service is a way we can show love and while it’s not the only way, it’s a powerful one. No one likes completing chores. Taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, making the bed, vacuuming, and mowing the lawn can be somewhat cathartic once the job is started, but almost no one wakes up in the morning and says, “Hooray! I get to scrub the toilet today!” When we do these necessary but less than glamorous things, it’s usually out of a sense of duty and responsibility, so when someone lifts that burden for us, we know it’s out of a deep desire to put our needs before their wants. There’s no part of it that is self-serving; it’s only for the good of the other.

Isn’t that the truest expression of love- to sacrifice self in order to serve someone else? To do something you’d rather not for the benefit of the person you love? It’s such a beautiful gift and one that is desperately needed in this increasingly self-interested world. So if you’re ever somewhere and the opportunity presents itself, follow Mother Teresa’s advice. Wash the plate.