At the Beginning

On December 18th, 2021, at 9:30 am, I got into my car and drove to a coffee shop in Bismarck. On the way, I called my friend Becky and joked that if I disappeared, she’d know who the prime suspect was and that I’d text her if I needed her to call me and give me an excuse to bail. I’d been a divorced, single parent for going on 9 years at this point and this was a common pre-first date ritual that my best friend and I shared. Unlike my other first dates, however, I was a knot of joyful nerves. This guy checked all my boxes, which was unusual in itself, but he also seemed to get better every time I learned something new about him. He was intelligent, articulate, and a little sarcastic. He was a practicing Catholic from a big family who grew up reading Westerns and loving the prairie. He was a hard-working farm kid who also knew how to build things with his hands and loved to cook. And he was unbelievably attractive. The words “Too good to be true” came to my mind often in my communication with him, and Becky’s semi-serious reaction was “Are you being cat-fished, Maloney?” 

Normally, I’m the kind who arrives 15 minutes early or 5 minutes late. I struggle with punctuality (more so since I’ve had kids), and so I arrived at 9:45, too early to hang around inside the coffee shop. I stayed in my car and drove around the block. Feeling more than a little like a stalker, though it was entirely unintentional, I spotted “my guy” filling gas at a station just down the road. He was wearing a long, brown overcoat and a scarf, his hair tied neatly behind his head. My heart did somersaults. Was I really ready for this? I drove back to the shop and looked at the clock. 9:55. Hanging back in the car would just seem awkward at this point, so I took a deep breath and went inside. I stood by the door like a child on their first day at a new school. I knew where I was supposed to be, but was entirely unsure about what to expect. If I’d known then what I know now, my body would’ve been shaking just the same- it was as though I already intuited that my future was about to walk into that coffee shop; but I was more than a little skeptical.

When he walked in, we confirmed that we were, in fact, meeting each other and then he did the first out of a million surprising things he would do over the course of our relationship: he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I do not believe in love at first sight, but that hug threw me off balance in the best possible way. Little by little, I was starting to allow myself to bring down walls that I thought would always be fortresses of protection for me. He already felt like home. And we were only 5 minutes in. 

Niles then did the second surprising thing; as we sat down, he revealed a classroom strategy he used for getting to know his college students and that he thought would be a fun exercise for a first date. It’s hard to overplay how endearing it was to note that this man, confident, attractive, and successful, had taken the time to make a lesson-plan (more or less) to ensure that our first date went smoothly. He cared as much about it as I did and came in determined to make a good impression. The walls shifted a little more. 

After a few hours, we both needed to go, though I wished I could stay all afternoon, and when he told me he’d like to take me out for dinner and a drink sometime, I said I’d like that (maybe a little too quickly). 

Another first date ritual of mine is over analyzing every potential misstep I made during the date and mentally listing all the reasons why I blew it and would likely never hear from this person again. I was already beginning to do this, when Niles leaned in like he was going to hug me a second time. I didn’t think anything of it - apparently, he was a hugger - but instead he surprised me again, pulled me close, and kissed me, right there in the parking lot. I mumbled what might have been the most awkward good-bye ever and stumbled in a daze to my car. And that was it. 

In that moment I knew. 

I knew he’d be the one I’d waited my whole life for.

I knew we’d have problems, but we’d work them out.

I knew he’d take care of me like no one ever has before.

I knew it would be the kind of hard that would be worth it.

I knew that he’d ask me to marry him one day and I’d say yes.

I knew that my cautious exterior had been cracked and it was only a matter of time before I fell deeply and irrevocably in love with this incredible, gentle, and generous man.

On the phone in the car with Becky for the recap, she said, “This time next year, you’ll be married or engaged. He’s the one.”

And I’ve been over-the-moon grateful every moment since then that she was right. 

Happy one year anniversary to the man I’d choose over and over again. 

I love you Niles.