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Murphy's Law for (2nd) Children

Summer is here, which means more time to ruminate on the deep, philosophical truths of the universe. The questions of the cosmos, the meaning of life, the nature of beauty and art, the wickedness of men, and of course, the confounding second child.

This may not be a rule with specifically the second child, but all parents with more than one child have that one child whose personality and mischievous spirit are larger than life, wilder than the woods, and more persistent than an angry wasp. Of course, these are some of the biggest reasons why I love my second child. She'll be the first woman president, an Olympic gymnast, or a crime boss. Go big or go home.

Picture something in your head that goes in your house. Maybe it's something you use so seldom that you almost forgot it was there (or have forgotten it). Maybe it's something dangerous, or destructive, or special, or white.*  That object is the object that should not, for whatever reason, be used by your child. Here is my guarantee - that child (you know the one) will find it and he or she will use it in the exact manner which makes it necessary for him or her to never have it.

Exhibit A: At Christmas, I received a bath kit, which included a beautiful piece of decor, some really lovely bubble bath and bath bombs, and a luxurious white towel. It's been 6 months to the day since Christmas and I had that towel tucked carefully behind all the boring towels; I am the only person who has ever used it and until this day, my kids didn't know  it existed.
Today, my 6 year old came back home after being with her dad. He had (without a word to me) dyed her hair midnight blue with a "temporary" hair color. If you know anything about hair coloring, you know that the excess color comes out for the first several washings. My daughter climbed out of my (now blue) bathtub** and wrapped that soft, white towel around her body and came sauntering into the kitchen, where I was putting dinner away. This was one of the lucky times; I immediately snatched it away from her, arms flailing and shouted, "WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO USE A WHITE TOWEL RIGHT NOW?????" The towel was safe and my child was as unbothered as she usually is when I yell at her for something. But it won't be the last time I'll jump out of my skin when I see what she's up to.

Other examples: 
-Just tonight, a very sharp paring knife she was planning to use to cut the corn off the cob.
- A permanent marker that I would've had to look for days to find, to use to color on my living room accent chair
- Bottles of nail polish to polish her nails. At the table. Without paper towels.
- A bottle of oil based foundation that I literally didn't know I had until I found her twirling it in the air like a helicopter and creating a Jackson Pollack-esque warm beige masterpiece on the white carpet. 

So parents, be careful out there this summer. And keep your eyes on that second child. Certainly, if you make sure to keep her in check.....well, the other one(s) will get into those things instead. Good luck out there.


*If you have more than one child, you know where this is going. If you have one child and are planning on having more, take heed. If you don't have children and aren't planning on it, feel free to amuse yourself with the following bit of whimsy.

** I could write an entire post just about things that happen at the other house that make me froth at the mouth, but I won't because I get a little too riled up, and that's no fun to read.

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