Four years ago, when I got my first dog, Maverick, many friends and family tried to tell me I was an insane person.
"You already have three children, you don't need a dog!"
"Dogs are so much work!"
"Dogs cost so much money! Dog food is expensive!"
"Dogs need lots of attention!"
"When will you have time to walk him and play with him?"
"What will you do when you want to go on vacation?"
"You'll have to clean up accidents in the house!"
(These people liked to use exclamation points, apparently.)
Of course, I thought smugly to myself, but it will be worth it, because I love dogs and those things are all worth having a constant and loving companion.*
In all of these discourses, one thing was left out. Not one single person mentioned this to me, and since this was my very first dog, it didn't occur to me. At all.
In the summer and fall, I diligently and dutifully cleaned up my yard every few days so we could play without fear of stepping in it. While not pleasant, it was easy-peasy lemon squeezy.
Then, winter came and spring followed. Maverick was a pretty small dog. But, oh. THE HORROR. After all the snow had melted away, I found a minefield of smelly, squishy, water-logged bombs. It was like a herd of wild canines had been secretly using my yard as their own personal porta-potties, but it was all from my 10 POUND DOG. WHY DID NO ONE BRING THIS UP????
This year, I knew what would be in store for me. My Sam, a pitbull/shepherd/mutt mix, is 5 times bigger than my itty bitty Maverick dog. So yesterday, when I went out to take care of the catastrophe, I was mentally prepared. While I was meditating on my task and as I pulled the rake across the dead grass and discolored piles of digested food, I came up with some tips for all of you first time spring poop cleaners. (Feel free to add your tips in the comments)
1) Do it when it's still cold and preferably in the morning. The poop is still slightly frozen and therefore will not just turn to mush when you attempt to move it. It's like using ice to get gum out of a kid's hair. Not that I've ever had to do that**.
2) Wear shoes that you are okay with throwing away.
3) Use a rake. If the poop is still frozen to the ground, rake over it a few times with a back and forth movement and it will pull up like a dead weed. That looks like poop.
3a) Designate a special rake for this. Not one of those flimsy leaf rakes, either. Get the heavy duty aerator kind.
4) The rake can also be used as a kind of ice chipper to get poop out of frozen, half melted snow.
5) Rake the poop into larger piles. You'll be less likely to step in them.
6) When you're done, for the love of all that is holy, use heavy duty gloves to throw the poop into leaf bags OR rake them all into your chokecherry bushes. Then, feel free to throw said gloves away. You can buy a stockpile of gloves at the end of fall when they all go on clearance.
Unfortunately, this post reads like a really terrible 6th grade "how to" writing project. However, since I don't know of a more eloquent way to write about dog feces, that's what it's going to stay.
In conclusion, everybody poops. Especially dogs. Consider yourself warned.
This is my dog, Sam. Full of mud. No one warned me about that, either.
*In spite of the following discourse, I still believe my dogs have most definitely been worth it. :)
** I've done this at least half a dozen times.
"You already have three children, you don't need a dog!"
"Dogs are so much work!"
"Dogs cost so much money! Dog food is expensive!"
"Dogs need lots of attention!"
"When will you have time to walk him and play with him?"
"What will you do when you want to go on vacation?"
"You'll have to clean up accidents in the house!"
(These people liked to use exclamation points, apparently.)
Of course, I thought smugly to myself, but it will be worth it, because I love dogs and those things are all worth having a constant and loving companion.*
In all of these discourses, one thing was left out. Not one single person mentioned this to me, and since this was my very first dog, it didn't occur to me. At all.
In the summer and fall, I diligently and dutifully cleaned up my yard every few days so we could play without fear of stepping in it. While not pleasant, it was easy-peasy lemon squeezy.
Then, winter came and spring followed. Maverick was a pretty small dog. But, oh. THE HORROR. After all the snow had melted away, I found a minefield of smelly, squishy, water-logged bombs. It was like a herd of wild canines had been secretly using my yard as their own personal porta-potties, but it was all from my 10 POUND DOG. WHY DID NO ONE BRING THIS UP????
This year, I knew what would be in store for me. My Sam, a pitbull/shepherd/mutt mix, is 5 times bigger than my itty bitty Maverick dog. So yesterday, when I went out to take care of the catastrophe, I was mentally prepared. While I was meditating on my task and as I pulled the rake across the dead grass and discolored piles of digested food, I came up with some tips for all of you first time spring poop cleaners. (Feel free to add your tips in the comments)
1) Do it when it's still cold and preferably in the morning. The poop is still slightly frozen and therefore will not just turn to mush when you attempt to move it. It's like using ice to get gum out of a kid's hair. Not that I've ever had to do that**.
2) Wear shoes that you are okay with throwing away.
3) Use a rake. If the poop is still frozen to the ground, rake over it a few times with a back and forth movement and it will pull up like a dead weed. That looks like poop.
3a) Designate a special rake for this. Not one of those flimsy leaf rakes, either. Get the heavy duty aerator kind.
4) The rake can also be used as a kind of ice chipper to get poop out of frozen, half melted snow.
5) Rake the poop into larger piles. You'll be less likely to step in them.
6) When you're done, for the love of all that is holy, use heavy duty gloves to throw the poop into leaf bags OR rake them all into your chokecherry bushes. Then, feel free to throw said gloves away. You can buy a stockpile of gloves at the end of fall when they all go on clearance.
Unfortunately, this post reads like a really terrible 6th grade "how to" writing project. However, since I don't know of a more eloquent way to write about dog feces, that's what it's going to stay.
In conclusion, everybody poops. Especially dogs. Consider yourself warned.
*In spite of the following discourse, I still believe my dogs have most definitely been worth it. :)
** I've done this at least half a dozen times.
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