It's spring! You can always tell it's springtime in North Dakota because people start wearing shorts. It will be 60 degrees out and someone (or maybe half a dozen someones) will be traipsing down main street in a tank top, shorts, and flip flops. While this may seem insane to outsiders, most people in the Midwest understand that shorts are a harbinger of hope. We've just endured 9 months of bone chilling, frost-biting, witches teat cold and 60 degrees seems downright balmy.
This year, our spring has been unusually warm, likely because global warming is definitely not a thing and just because it was 90 degrees out the first week in May doesn't mean that summer is going to be hot and miserable (but it probably will be). Because of this, virtual hordes of North Dakotans were walking around shirtless and summery, hands outstretched to the prairie sky in ecstasy.
Not me. Is it because I am bitter and devoid of all hope? Is it because I was grouchy that my kids were running through the sprinkler in May? Am I the Grinch of summer? No. I am an "Ever Cold". An "Ever Cold" sounds like something an over-extended, unfunny thirty-two year old mother of three made up, but it could be a real term. Somewhere.* What is an ever cold, you ask? An ever cold is someone who is always cold. You know the one. That person who always looks like they are trapped at the antarctic, no matter what the weather is like outside?
Ever Colds run in my family. Take, for example, my son. He is a tall, blonde, blue-eyed, type A neat freak whose genetic code often exhibits itself as the complete opposite of mine. The day he woke me up at 6 in the morning and told me that the living room was messy and I needed to clean it, I ducked under the covers to check my C-section scar and remind myself that I did, in fact, give birth to him (also, to hide because I just wanted to sleep). And he's only two. However, I know that he is mine because when I put him in his crib at night, he looks up at me with his sweet, angelic face, partially concealed by three thick blankets, and whimpers, "Mama, I COLD!"
My mother also suffers from this condition. There's no science to back this up and it's completely based on my individual experience and almost nothing else, but I'm approximately 147% sure that the following is a diagnostic list of whether you carry the"ever cold" gene:
1) Your hands feel like ice cubes
When you shake someone's hand, do they ever comment, "OOH! Your hands are cold!" ? That is a clear indicator of being an ever cold. But, you know, cold hands, warm heart or whatever.
2) You have at least 3 jackets/sweaters/cardigans at your place of employment.
You also probably have one in your car, one hanging on some furniture in each room of your house, and one on right now.
3) You have been known to wear outerwear when you are inside.
I'm not just talking about not taking off your coat when you are shopping or in a meeting. When I taught in the basement of a rural school, it wasn't uncommon for me to be wearing a scarf while I was teaching. This was before scarves were an "in" thing and it wasn't a cool scarf. I looked like the original Doctor Who. My hair was even similar, but that's not part of being an ever cold. That's my "thick unruly hair" gene.
4) One blanket is never enough.
On the couch watching a movie, you need at least two blankets. In bed, you need at least a sheet and a comforter at all times. Electric blankets are the ideal, but not always an option.
5) Your skin is RED when you emerge from a shower or bath.
When you are cold all the time, a shower or bath is sometimes the only time you can be warm and comfy. The hotter, the better. A little scalding never hurt anyone. While we are at it
6) You think hot tubs are THE BEST INVENTION EVER.
Even if they are a cesspool of germs and ick.
7) Space heaters are your best friend.
And they live on your desk.
Right next to your keyboard.
As close to you hands as humanly possible.
With a second one under your desk for your feet.
8) The person who sets the thermostat is your nemesis.
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SET THE TEMPERATURE SO LOW??? DO THEY WANT US TO FREEZE?
9) Hot coffee, tea or cocoa are your favorite thing to drink.
Delicious and practical. This is why fall is the best season. You can now start drinking hot chocolate all the time without people judging you.
10) Sitting in front of a fire is the greatest luxury on earth.
Seriously, if I could choose between sitting in front of a fire and going on an all-expense paid trip to Paris, France....well, I would still choose the trip. But I would be thinking about when I could get back and sit by the fire.
11) Once you are cold, it takes forever to feel warm again.
The worst thing for an ever cold is getting a chill. When your primary experience with temperature is generally cold or on the brink of cold andsome jerk your child throws an ice cube down your back, it's a veritable guarantee you won't be warm again until next Tuesday.
If you can relate to any of the above, congratulations. I am diagnosing you as a fellow ever cold. Welcome to the club and enjoy your hot beverage.
* A quick Google search confirms that Ever Cold is the name of a cold storage facility. SO HA! Not made up! Not at all relevant to the topic at hand, but at least not made up.
This year, our spring has been unusually warm, likely because global warming is definitely not a thing and just because it was 90 degrees out the first week in May doesn't mean that summer is going to be hot and miserable (but it probably will be). Because of this, virtual hordes of North Dakotans were walking around shirtless and summery, hands outstretched to the prairie sky in ecstasy.
Not me. Is it because I am bitter and devoid of all hope? Is it because I was grouchy that my kids were running through the sprinkler in May? Am I the Grinch of summer? No. I am an "Ever Cold". An "Ever Cold" sounds like something an over-extended, unfunny thirty-two year old mother of three made up, but it could be a real term. Somewhere.* What is an ever cold, you ask? An ever cold is someone who is always cold. You know the one. That person who always looks like they are trapped at the antarctic, no matter what the weather is like outside?
Ever Colds run in my family. Take, for example, my son. He is a tall, blonde, blue-eyed, type A neat freak whose genetic code often exhibits itself as the complete opposite of mine. The day he woke me up at 6 in the morning and told me that the living room was messy and I needed to clean it, I ducked under the covers to check my C-section scar and remind myself that I did, in fact, give birth to him (also, to hide because I just wanted to sleep). And he's only two. However, I know that he is mine because when I put him in his crib at night, he looks up at me with his sweet, angelic face, partially concealed by three thick blankets, and whimpers, "Mama, I COLD!"
My mother also suffers from this condition. There's no science to back this up and it's completely based on my individual experience and almost nothing else, but I'm approximately 147% sure that the following is a diagnostic list of whether you carry the"ever cold" gene:
1) Your hands feel like ice cubes
When you shake someone's hand, do they ever comment, "OOH! Your hands are cold!" ? That is a clear indicator of being an ever cold. But, you know, cold hands, warm heart or whatever.
2) You have at least 3 jackets/sweaters/cardigans at your place of employment.
You also probably have one in your car, one hanging on some furniture in each room of your house, and one on right now.
3) You have been known to wear outerwear when you are inside.
I'm not just talking about not taking off your coat when you are shopping or in a meeting. When I taught in the basement of a rural school, it wasn't uncommon for me to be wearing a scarf while I was teaching. This was before scarves were an "in" thing and it wasn't a cool scarf. I looked like the original Doctor Who. My hair was even similar, but that's not part of being an ever cold. That's my "thick unruly hair" gene.
4) One blanket is never enough.
On the couch watching a movie, you need at least two blankets. In bed, you need at least a sheet and a comforter at all times. Electric blankets are the ideal, but not always an option.
5) Your skin is RED when you emerge from a shower or bath.
When you are cold all the time, a shower or bath is sometimes the only time you can be warm and comfy. The hotter, the better. A little scalding never hurt anyone. While we are at it
6) You think hot tubs are THE BEST INVENTION EVER.
Even if they are a cesspool of germs and ick.
7) Space heaters are your best friend.
And they live on your desk.
Right next to your keyboard.
As close to you hands as humanly possible.
With a second one under your desk for your feet.
8) The person who sets the thermostat is your nemesis.
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SET THE TEMPERATURE SO LOW??? DO THEY WANT US TO FREEZE?
9) Hot coffee, tea or cocoa are your favorite thing to drink.
Delicious and practical. This is why fall is the best season. You can now start drinking hot chocolate all the time without people judging you.
10) Sitting in front of a fire is the greatest luxury on earth.
Seriously, if I could choose between sitting in front of a fire and going on an all-expense paid trip to Paris, France....well, I would still choose the trip. But I would be thinking about when I could get back and sit by the fire.
11) Once you are cold, it takes forever to feel warm again.
The worst thing for an ever cold is getting a chill. When your primary experience with temperature is generally cold or on the brink of cold and
If you can relate to any of the above, congratulations. I am diagnosing you as a fellow ever cold. Welcome to the club and enjoy your hot beverage.
* A quick Google search confirms that Ever Cold is the name of a cold storage facility. SO HA! Not made up! Not at all relevant to the topic at hand, but at least not made up.
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