This morning, I had a realization. Like most epiphanies of value, it came to me while I was in the shower. My little boy was playing in the living room while I was quickly rinsing off the night's cobwebs, and I heard a 'thump' and his tearful voice cry out. He rushed into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain.
"Owie, mama!" he hiccuped and pointed at his knee. I noticed it was red, but not bruised and knelt down gently next to him and kissed it.
"Ouch, baby." I said. "Are you ok?"
He looked up at my face, gave me a sweet smile and darted back out to play.
I often think to myself how silly and endearing it is that first aid for a child is so simple. He didn't need a band-aid or an ice pack. Just a kiss and a little bit of empathy and he was as good as new. Back to the blocks, as though nothing had happened at all. So why even interrupt his play for such a minor bump?
Normally, I attribute this kind of thing to a mother's special gift of comfort for her child or the idiosyncrasy (one of hundreds) of the little being that is the toddler. Today, however, it clicked.
He didn't need to be fixed. He didn't need pity or a huge reaction. He just needed to be acknowledged. That's it. And it makes so much sense.
We are social animals. Without others to support us, we wouldn't survive. If my kid was in a tribe living in the wilderness thousands of years ago, not having another human to help when he was injured would mean certain death.
So when a child gets even a small bump or bruise, their instinct is to reaffirm that they won't be left to die. It's not about the injury. It's about being acknowledged by another person. It's about knowing that they have a tribe.
Isn't it the same with adults? We need to be acknowledged - otherwise, we won't survive. Whether it is a broken bone or a broken heart, we don't always need care. We don't need to be fixed. We don't need a pity party. We need just one person to say, "Hey, if you fall and sprain your ankle, I won't let a vicious lion eat you."
How many times do we roll our eyes when our friends post a "vaguebook" status and think, "UGH. They are so needy. No one cares that you are 'feeling stressed'."?
But the reason they do it is because they are injured in some way and they just need one person to say, "Hey, I have your back. I see you and know you are hurting, and I care." They need to know they won't be left to die.
He just wanted to be acknowledged.
Don't we all.
"Owie, mama!" he hiccuped and pointed at his knee. I noticed it was red, but not bruised and knelt down gently next to him and kissed it.
"Ouch, baby." I said. "Are you ok?"
He looked up at my face, gave me a sweet smile and darted back out to play.
I often think to myself how silly and endearing it is that first aid for a child is so simple. He didn't need a band-aid or an ice pack. Just a kiss and a little bit of empathy and he was as good as new. Back to the blocks, as though nothing had happened at all. So why even interrupt his play for such a minor bump?
Normally, I attribute this kind of thing to a mother's special gift of comfort for her child or the idiosyncrasy (one of hundreds) of the little being that is the toddler. Today, however, it clicked.
He didn't need to be fixed. He didn't need pity or a huge reaction. He just needed to be acknowledged. That's it. And it makes so much sense.
We are social animals. Without others to support us, we wouldn't survive. If my kid was in a tribe living in the wilderness thousands of years ago, not having another human to help when he was injured would mean certain death.
So when a child gets even a small bump or bruise, their instinct is to reaffirm that they won't be left to die. It's not about the injury. It's about being acknowledged by another person. It's about knowing that they have a tribe.
Isn't it the same with adults? We need to be acknowledged - otherwise, we won't survive. Whether it is a broken bone or a broken heart, we don't always need care. We don't need to be fixed. We don't need a pity party. We need just one person to say, "Hey, if you fall and sprain your ankle, I won't let a vicious lion eat you."
How many times do we roll our eyes when our friends post a "vaguebook" status and think, "UGH. They are so needy. No one cares that you are 'feeling stressed'."?
But the reason they do it is because they are injured in some way and they just need one person to say, "Hey, I have your back. I see you and know you are hurting, and I care." They need to know they won't be left to die.
He just wanted to be acknowledged.
Don't we all.
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