Skip to main content

The Gift of Acknowledgment

This morning, I had a realization. Like most epiphanies of value, it came to me while I was in the shower. My little boy was playing in the living room while I was quickly rinsing off the night's cobwebs, and I heard a 'thump' and his tearful voice cry out. He rushed into the bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain.
"Owie, mama!" he hiccuped and pointed at his knee. I noticed it was red, but not bruised and knelt down gently next to him and kissed it.
"Ouch, baby." I said. "Are you ok?"
He looked up at my face, gave me a sweet smile and darted back out to play.

I often think to myself how silly and endearing it is that first aid for a child is so simple. He didn't need a band-aid or an ice pack. Just a kiss and a little bit of empathy and he was as good as new. Back to the blocks, as though nothing had happened at all. So why even interrupt his play for such a minor bump?
Normally, I attribute this kind of thing to a mother's special gift of comfort for her child or the idiosyncrasy (one of hundreds) of the little being that is the toddler. Today, however, it clicked.

He didn't need to be fixed. He didn't need pity or a huge reaction. He just needed to be acknowledged. That's it. And it makes so much sense.

We are social animals. Without others to support us, we wouldn't survive. If my kid was in a tribe living in the wilderness thousands of years ago, not having another human to help when he was injured would mean certain death.

So when a child gets even a small bump or bruise, their instinct is to reaffirm that they won't be left to die. It's not about the injury. It's about being acknowledged by another person. It's about knowing that they have a tribe.

Isn't it the same with adults? We need to be acknowledged - otherwise, we won't survive. Whether it is a broken bone or a broken heart, we don't always need care. We don't need to be fixed. We don't need a pity party. We need just one person to say, "Hey, if you fall and sprain your ankle, I won't let a vicious lion eat you."

How many times do we roll our eyes when our friends post a "vaguebook" status and think, "UGH. They are so needy. No one cares that you are 'feeling stressed'."?
But the reason they do it is because they are injured in some way and they just need one person to say, "Hey, I have your back. I see you and know you are hurting, and I care." They need to know they won't be left to die.

He just wanted to be acknowledged. 

Don't we all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Doing the Dishes

“Wash the plate not because it is dirty nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person who will use it next.” - Saint Teresa of Calcutta Every night after dinner, Niles does the dishes. Mostly, he stacks them in the dishwasher and runs it, but often he also hand washes the pots and pans, setting them in the drying rack and putting them away later when they've air-dried enough. He always clears the table and wipes it down, making sure everything is the way it was (sometimes cleaner than it was) before we sat down to eat.  At the beginning of our relationship, when he’d do this I felt somewhat at a loss. Doing the dishes had always been my responsibility, along with nearly every other household chore, and I wondered what to do with myself while this other person took care of  it. It was one of many mundane tasks that had always been on my already-full plate and freeing that space felt almost like cheating. A little breathing room felt suffocating in the con...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unanswered Prayers

My fiancé and I regularly get into arguments about Garth Brooks. The country singer with the bass twang was a staple of my childhood and I can’t think of a song he’s done that I didn’t absolutely love. Admittedly, most of my adoration now comes from the nostalgia factor; his music transports me back to wedding dances two-stepping with my uncles, road trips with my parents and older brother arguing about what the lyrics actually were (pre-Google life was like that), and romanticizing his adult wisdom about life and loss.  For Niles, who has no such fond illusions, he feels the quality of music is lacking (I don’t 100% disagree with that on an objective level). However, the real thing that turns his ambivalence into disgust is the song “Unanswered Prayers”. As an adult, I can appreciate that the story and lyrics are a little trite and simplistic. But the notion that God just lets our prayers sit unanswered because we don’t know enough to pray for the right things is the real matter o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Someday My Prince Will Come

How cliched, I know. When I was young, I was not fussy about relationships. I was low maintenance if there ever was such a thing, in part because of my fierce independent (read: stubborn) streak and a complete aversion to frivolity. I was never the girl who got highlights in her hair and spent hours on clothes and makeup each morning. I shopped at thrift stores and went to school with my hair wet 50% of the time. My requirements for "boyfriend" material were that they hold my hand sometimes and be smart enough to talk to for hours on end. I didn't seek out the best looking, I didn't expect gifts or showering, I understood not being top priority and I didn't need someone to  emotionally support me. I was a tough chick who could take care of herself, thank you very much. It should come as no surprise then, that I married a man who allowed me to take care of everything in our lives. My teenage self would have loved that, being responsible for the house, the bills,...
2 comments
Read more