Empty Bed, Full Heart- A Single Mother's Journey

This past week, something has been happening around 1:30 pm every day. Every muscle in my body begins to feel weak, my eyelids get heavy, and it becomes increasingly hard to continue to the end of the day. Today, it happened even earlier - around 10:30 this morning. My heart is so tired lately. Some days, I wonder why I still try to teach. Some days, I wish I had a job where I went to work and someone told me exactly what to do and I could execute the instructions with little to no hindrance. I imagine days where I go to work and I don't have to diffuse situation after situation. I imagine a job where, at the end of the day, I check out and don't think about it again until I check back in the next morning. Where I don't feel like I'm constantly pouring from an empty bucket. It's been a rough few weeks and I have a litany of complaints, of course; reasons and triggers that I won't get into because, after all, complaining never solved any problems. Last Saturd...

Today started like many days in my house. I hit the snooze button too many times, trying to squeeze out as much pretend sleep as possible. When I did wake up, I hurried to get ready before the kids got up, but to no avail. I believe that my children have an internal mommy tracker that immediately rings in their ears when I turn on the bathroom light, no matter how quiet I try to be. I had to shower downstairs today, because the upstairs bathtub needs to be replaced (of course) and has started leaking. I'm not sure how long this has been going on or how long I'll need to shower in the weird, dark, laminated shower stall in my basement, but I am sure that I'm digressing. The point being (I did have a point), that even when I tiptoe downstairs and very softly turn on the light, my kids still instinctively know that I'm no longer hiding  curling under the covers hoping for an unanticipated snow day. In mid-October. Shortly before all of this unfolded, I remembered that y...

I have somewhat of a love/hate relationship with the month of October. Fall is, without a doubt, my favorite season. I love the kaleidoscope of colored leaves; I love the sun lighting up the cool afternoons; I love the gray clouded skies and the chill air; I love wearing scarves, sweaters, and boots; I love cuddling under blankets, in front of fires, next to my babies, watching movies and drinking hot cocoa. I love listening to spooky music; I love going to the Pumpkin Patch and preparing for Halloween. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Five years ago, in  October, I lay on the cold, hard earth with the leaves whistling around me and breathed foolish prayers to God. I prayed because I had just found out that I was pregnant; I had filed for divorce and now I had a little life growing inside of me. I prayed because, like the natural world around me, I was transitioning to a new season of life, and before I had my spring, I'd need to go through the isolating winter. I wa...

One of the things I do in my spare time (lol) is teach faith formation for second graders at my church. Because they are second graders, they get to participate in two milestone sacraments: First Reconciliation and First Communion. Teaching kids about these two sacraments is a blessing for me more so than them, because they often get it better than myself or any adults that I know. So, as I imperfectly stumble through teaching them about confession, the examination of conscience comes up and we talk about what we confess in front of the priest; number one is, "Do I put God first?" Let's take a break for a moment and take a moment to consider that none of us does this. We may want to, we may strive to, but often, life comes first, jobs come first, obligations come first, busy-ness comes first, and then we squeeze our schedules to fit God in somewhere. None of us excels at this. But one example I use is, "Do you go to church on Sundays, even if you'd rather do ...