Skip to main content

Unanswered Prayers


My fiancé and I regularly get into arguments about Garth Brooks. The country singer with the bass twang was a staple of my childhood and I can’t think of a song he’s done that I didn’t absolutely love. Admittedly, most of my adoration now comes from the nostalgia factor; his music transports me back to wedding dances two-stepping with my uncles, road trips with my parents and older brother arguing about what the lyrics actually were (pre-Google life was like that), and romanticizing his adult wisdom about life and loss. 

For Niles, who has no such fond illusions, he feels the quality of music is lacking (I don’t 100% disagree with that on an objective level). However, the real thing that turns his ambivalence into disgust is the song “Unanswered Prayers”. As an adult, I can appreciate that the story and lyrics are a little trite and simplistic. But the notion that God just lets our prayers sit unanswered because we don’t know enough to pray for the right things is the real matter of some contention. To be clear, our “arguments” about this are more like heated discussions and the disagreement, like many disagreements, mainly comes down to semantics.

Though I like the sentiment of the song, I don’t actually believe that there’s such a thing as an unanswered prayer. I’ve prayed earnestly for a lot of things that, as I’ve grown in wisdom and experience, I realize really should’ve been ignored by God. But here’s the thing - they never were. All the times I prayed with a sincere and persistent heart, I got a clear, unequivocal answer. It’s not that God ignored me or refused to answer like some condescending, over-sure parental figure. Often, He simply answered in a way that I didn’t like or, more frequently, encouraged me to be patient, standing with me while I grappled with the suffering of an imperfect world.

As a stark example, on my wedding day, I prayed that God would help me persevere through a marriage that I already knew on some instinctive level was wrong. Instead, He gave me the people and circumstances to realize that my naive choices didn’t have to be life sentences. When it finally collapsed, He didn’t abandon me. I’m incredibly grateful for the holy and compassionate friends, religious leaders, and therapists who guided me in love during the difficult and confusing times in my life. They helped me hear God’s voice when the noise got to be too much. For a long time, I carried in my pocket a Bible verse given to me by a dear priest friend of mine that said, “You are my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.” It gave me the reassurance that God’s love wasn’t conditional - He was in my corner, even when the corner felt dark and alone, even when my choices were drawing me away from Him.

I’ve prayed for people to change, for life to be easier, for jobs that I didn’t get and relationships that were poisonous for me. With every prayer, God answered.
“Let them be who they are - be blameless and let go of the desire to control. Trust me.”

“Not that job; I have one that suits your heart. Be patient. Keep trying.”

“Wait. Don’t settle. Lean into me when you need help. I will fulfill the needs of your heart.”

So maybe it is ridiculous to thank God for unanswered prayers because there’s no such thing. Maybe Niles is right; when we pray, we ought to expect God to answer us because He says He will. He’s not a Father standing in the hallway, shutting the door in our faces or rolling his eyes at our childish requests. He’s patiently listening and responding in His infinitely loving, if quiet, way. If we silence our doubts and tuck into our trust in Him, we’ll hear the answers. 

So even though I still love Garth Brooks (sorry, my love) and I still enjoy the song, I don’t thank God for unanswered prayers. I thank Him for every prayer that He hears and answers in unexpected and exceedingly beautiful ways. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Doing the Dishes

“Wash the plate not because it is dirty nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person who will use it next.” - Saint Teresa of Calcutta Every night after dinner, Niles does the dishes. Mostly, he stacks them in the dishwasher and runs it, but often he also hand washes the pots and pans, setting them in the drying rack and putting them away later when they've air-dried enough. He always clears the table and wipes it down, making sure everything is the way it was (sometimes cleaner than it was) before we sat down to eat.  At the beginning of our relationship, when he’d do this I felt somewhat at a loss. Doing the dishes had always been my responsibility, along with nearly every other household chore, and I wondered what to do with myself while this other person took care of  it. It was one of many mundane tasks that had always been on my already-full plate and freeing that space felt almost like cheating. A little breathing room felt suffocating in the con...
Post a Comment
Read more

Someday My Prince Will Come

How cliched, I know. When I was young, I was not fussy about relationships. I was low maintenance if there ever was such a thing, in part because of my fierce independent (read: stubborn) streak and a complete aversion to frivolity. I was never the girl who got highlights in her hair and spent hours on clothes and makeup each morning. I shopped at thrift stores and went to school with my hair wet 50% of the time. My requirements for "boyfriend" material were that they hold my hand sometimes and be smart enough to talk to for hours on end. I didn't seek out the best looking, I didn't expect gifts or showering, I understood not being top priority and I didn't need someone to  emotionally support me. I was a tough chick who could take care of herself, thank you very much. It should come as no surprise then, that I married a man who allowed me to take care of everything in our lives. My teenage self would have loved that, being responsible for the house, the bills,...
2 comments
Read more