Unanswered Prayers

My fiancé and I regularly get into arguments about Garth Brooks. The country singer with the bass twang was a staple of my childhood and I can’t think of a song he’s done that I didn’t absolutely love. Admittedly, most of my adoration now comes from the nostalgia factor; his music transports me back to wedding dances two-stepping with my uncles, road trips with my parents and older brother arguing about what the lyrics actually were (pre-Google life was like that), and romanticizing his adult wisdom about life and loss. 

For Niles, who has no such fond illusions, he feels the quality of music is lacking (I don’t 100% disagree with that on an objective level). However, the real thing that turns his ambivalence into disgust is the song “Unanswered Prayers”. As an adult, I can appreciate that the story and lyrics are a little trite and simplistic. But the notion that God just lets our prayers sit unanswered because we don’t know enough to pray for the right things is the real matter of some contention. To be clear, our “arguments” about this are more like heated discussions and the disagreement, like many disagreements, mainly comes down to semantics.

Though I like the sentiment of the song, I don’t actually believe that there’s such a thing as an unanswered prayer. I’ve prayed earnestly for a lot of things that, as I’ve grown in wisdom and experience, I realize really should’ve been ignored by God. But here’s the thing - they never were. All the times I prayed with a sincere and persistent heart, I got a clear, unequivocal answer. It’s not that God ignored me or refused to answer like some condescending, over-sure parental figure. Often, He simply answered in a way that I didn’t like or, more frequently, encouraged me to be patient, standing with me while I grappled with the suffering of an imperfect world.

As a stark example, on my wedding day, I prayed that God would help me persevere through a marriage that I already knew on some instinctive level was wrong. Instead, He gave me the people and circumstances to realize that my naive choices didn’t have to be life sentences. When it finally collapsed, He didn’t abandon me. I’m incredibly grateful for the holy and compassionate friends, religious leaders, and therapists who guided me in love during the difficult and confusing times in my life. They helped me hear God’s voice when the noise got to be too much. For a long time, I carried in my pocket a Bible verse given to me by a dear priest friend of mine that said, “You are my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.” It gave me the reassurance that God’s love wasn’t conditional - He was in my corner, even when the corner felt dark and alone, even when my choices were drawing me away from Him.

I’ve prayed for people to change, for life to be easier, for jobs that I didn’t get and relationships that were poisonous for me. With every prayer, God answered.
“Let them be who they are - be blameless and let go of the desire to control. Trust me.”

“Not that job; I have one that suits your heart. Be patient. Keep trying.”

“Wait. Don’t settle. Lean into me when you need help. I will fulfill the needs of your heart.”

So maybe it is ridiculous to thank God for unanswered prayers because there’s no such thing. Maybe Niles is right; when we pray, we ought to expect God to answer us because He says He will. He’s not a Father standing in the hallway, shutting the door in our faces or rolling his eyes at our childish requests. He’s patiently listening and responding in His infinitely loving, if quiet, way. If we silence our doubts and tuck into our trust in Him, we’ll hear the answers. 

So even though I still love Garth Brooks (sorry, my love) and I still enjoy the song, I don’t thank God for unanswered prayers. I thank Him for every prayer that He hears and answers in unexpected and exceedingly beautiful ways.