Empty Bed, Full Heart- A Single Mother's Journey

So yes, I believe that a working, single mother can have professional ambitions, too. Today, I met with my principal to discuss professional goals, and I have a few points to make right away that I think merit some recognition here. First, my principal (and this job, in general) is quite possibly the number one thing that saved me from living a life of destitution after my son was born. The past two years of my life has been an exercise in just how much violent change a person can endure, which, you may be surprised to find out, is actually quite a lot. Through my "barely making it through" days, he has been supportive and understanding in ways I can only describe as superhuman. For that, I am eternally grateful. My confidence has taken about a million hits (rough estimation), and to have an administrator that stands back and says, "I know you can do this" and then gives me the time, space, and support to be successful, is immeasurably valuable. My gratitude can...

As my brood grew, I had some rude awakenings when it came to my expectations of myself for the kind of parent I wanted to be. For example, food, with my children progressed like this: Child One: Exclusively Breastfed- no formula for this crunchy baby! Homemade, all natural, organic baby food First foods- veggies; no crackers, chips, cookies, ice cream, candy, mac n cheese, etc No juice Child Two: Exclusively breastfed, with a tiny bit of formula when mommy is away Homemade baby food First foods- fruits; some "healthy-ish" mac n cheese, convenience dinners, and little tastes of treats Juice cut with water Child Three: Breastfed- Formula as needed Rice cereal from a box, purchased baby food  First foods- whatever he'll eat; french fries are a vegetable, right? Juice is a now a staple. The lifestyle choices I made for them were to reflect the best studies that show that one on one interaction, hands-on activities, music, singing, dan...

Let me be clear. I chose to be a single mom. I did not choose single motherhood because it was my ideal; far from it. I chose it because I decided that my children deserved to have a mother who respected herself enough to walk away from something that was damaging her. Single motherhood, I've learned, means a lot of things. I don't know if other mothers have the same experiences or feelings that I do, because we are all different and we all have our own struggles. That said, here are some truths about my life as a single mom: 1) The kids come first:  Truly, they always have. Before the career, before the social life, before anything, the kids come first. Perfect attendance at work? Enough sleep at night? Active social life or relationships? No one is going to stay home with your sick child except you; no one is going to say, "let me take the kids while you have a few drinks with your friends". In my situation, this was my reality anyway, but it doesn't change th...

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which means a few things for a Catholic girl like me. 1) Today was Mardi Gras!! I did absolutely nothing ridiculous for the occasion and I didn't even eat a ton of meat or candy. Fail. I was also shocked to find out that not a SINGLE one of my students had any idea what the heck Mardi Gras even was. "Um. A party?" YES. Yes, my child, one of the biggest worldwide parties in existence. So we listened to Iko Iko in the background and some Louis Armstrong, When the Saints Go Marching In, and I felt like I'd fulfilled a moral duty to the future leaders of America. 2) I need to come up with a penance for Lent. I didn't have one last year. I tried giving up coffee, but that didn't get very far. This year I'd like to come back to my faith. I feel like I've been wandering alone for a long time and maybe if I can rekindle my love for my faith, I'll start to feel more like myself again. I'll get back my energy and my des...

Last night, the Oscars were on. John Travolta called Idina Menzel "Adele Nazeem", Jennifer Lawrence did all kinds of awesome-ly real things in a world of fake-ry, and I was passed out at 8:20 pm, missing it all. My friend Deanna and I were joking about how neither of us had seen any of the movies except Frozen. I remember watching the Oscars and being legitimately pissed when my favorite movie didn't win. Now, though I think it's tragic that Leo hasn't won an Oscar yet, I couldn't really tell you much about any of the movies nominated. Nor do I care to. I have so little time to watch movies, that it doesn't even really appeal to me. And the world is so full of heavy, hard, serious things, that if I do watch a movie, I want it to be vapidly appealing, uplifting, inspiring, escapism. Lying in bed with my daughters as they fell asleep, my heart felt so full. At 2:00 am, baby boy woke up, and as I watched him nurse, I kept thinking how very lucky I am to ha...